


Summer heat is the devil

by Alfatina



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: All mistakes are mine, Eating Disorders, Gen, Jeonghan's mind in this work is NOT healthy, Non-native english writer, Not Beta Read, References to unhealthy eating habits, Stay safe and don't read if this can trigger you please, Summer and jackets doesn't really mix, Sunstroke, Tags can be added if necessary, Yoon Jeonghan-centric, insecure character, just a warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 17:27:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alfatina/pseuds/Alfatina
Summary: Jeonghan brought his lukewarm water bottle against his neck for a few seconds in hope of cooling himself a little bit, with no luck. He knew that theoretically speaking, he could do what most of the members had done and lose his jacket. But he was prone to sunburn and didn’t put any sunblock before the event begun. Besides, tan arms and pale face was a no go. And if he was still hesitating, the fact his shirt was mostly see-through white with a very loose collar was dissuasive enough. It was a well-know joke among his members that he was the most conservative of them despite Joshua’s image.





	Summer heat is the devil

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!
> 
> So apparently I'm productive today and I wrote this. This is mainly thanks to the feedback I got on my last work, it was so positive I gathered up my missing energy to write this one!  
> This work is heavily inspired on my own life and my eternal battle against my eating disorder. Plus my profound hate for summer and summer heat.
> 
> Warning: This is NOT a reflect, copy or whatever of the mind of the real Seventeen member Yoon Jeonghan. I'm merely using him as my muse to talk about eating disorder and the real possibility that some idols may have developed them by being subjects to ridiculous diets.   
> If you are sensible to this, please proceed carefully or click back. This could be triggering, and that's the last thing I want.   
> Another warning: I'm exploring an idea I have, about Jeonghan being way less confident in himself than he appears on camera. In this fic he's not in the healthiest mindset. I remind you all, this is a word of FICTION. This isn't real and doesn't reflect on Seventeen member Yoon Jeonghan.
> 
> This work is written by a non-native english person and not beta read. As such all mistakes are mine. If you would like to beta this, I would be most delighted!
> 
> Have a nice day, you beautiful and wonderful people ~

Yoon Jeonghan smiled as naturally as he could through gritted teeth as the sun bore down harshly on the exposed part of his back and neck. He felt gross and sweaty in his light jacket and loose shirt, the new stylist’s idea in the middle of summer. Yeah, their clothes wasn’t always the most adapted to the season, but usually they could cool off often enough it never really mattered. Except that there was this big event they planned for months now, and it was supposed to be cool but the weather was a trickster and today was one of the hottest of summer. 

Jeonghan brought his lukewarm water bottle against his neck for a few seconds in hope of cooling himself a little bit, with no luck. He knew that theoretically speaking, he could do what most of the members had done and lose his jacket. But he was prone to sunburn and didn’t put any sunblock before the event begun. Besides, tan arms and pale face was a no go. And if he was still hesitating, the fact his shirt was mostly see-through white with a very loose collar was dissuasive enough. It was a well-know joke among his members that he was the most conservative of them despite Joshua’s image, buttoning up his shirts if he found them going too low during fan-meets and reluctant to show skin.

 

So he was stuck for now with his too hot jacket and too thin shirt, under the beaming sunlight and grinning at fans who looked as warm as he felt. Iddly he hoped none of them would suffer from staying for so long under this kind of weather, but there was a water truck with free bottles of water that they brought for the occasion so their carats could keep themselves hydrated. He was pretty proud of Seungcheol to have managed to negotiate that, since it wasn’t the most profitable attraction of the day. But then, having fans passing out from the heat would degrade their image a lot as well, so free water wasn’t such a bad idea.

 

It was his turn to show himself a bit, one of his favorite part of the fan-meet. He wasn’t as talented as the others, having passed his auditions because he was pretty and beautiful, not because he had any particular talent in singing, rapping or dancing. Hell, if Pledis was more popular ( like nowadays, Pledis’ name was getting more and more recognized in the K-pop industry ) he probably wouldn’t be an idol. They took him in out of desperation for candidates who would stay. And Jeonghan was beautiful, but a common sort of beautiful. His only real distinctive feature was his long hair, and now they were gone. And Jeonghan wanted, craved attention and fame. He loved the stage, he loved how responsive fans could be, he loved to be recognized. And he knew how easily it is to be overlooked in such a big group. He wasn’t like Jun or Vernon, who could stay quiet and just make weird faces during events to stay in their fans favour and the upper-half of the classement because they had this particular, exotic beauty. He wasn’t like Mingyu and Wonwoo, who always looked like manly supermodels. He wasn’t as talented and cute as Woozi or Hoshi, or even had this very particular graceful confidence he always admired in Joshua.

Speeches and talking events, games, those were the way he could distinguish himself and be more than a pretty, soft face. So he tricked and teased and cheated his way to gather attention. The fans loved it and he basked in their attention. He was witty and quick to answer, and that was his trademark. He looked confident and flirty and shameless because that was the character on-screen he carefully builded up. In a sense, he was pretty lucky to be the second oldest. Dino had a similar personality as his character have ( except for the talent, this kid had way more talent than he could ever claim ) with apparent unshakable confidence and sexiness clinging his steps. But he was considered the group’s baby for so long ( partly thanks to him, he had to admit ) that even now he was of age fans were still asking for his cute image, not the sexy man he strived to be.

 

Flashing a last heart to the loudly cheering carats, he get back at his place. His temple was steadily pounding, the few movements increasing his headache. Discreetly he wiped a stray bead of sweat, hoping none of the cameras catched it. It was a bit hard to breath, but nothing to worry about yet. 

His members laughed and he laughed with them, adding a joke at Seungcheol’s expense to their leader embarrassment. They laughed some more and Jeonghan hided a cough beneath his hand. Next to him Mingyu thrown him a worried glance but he smiled reassuringly at him. 

 

Okay, maybe he should have eaten this morning, and not faked it. Again.

 

But in his defense it wasn’t planned as a very tiring event and if the heat was more merciful he probably wouldn’t even remembered he hadn’t eaten. It was a habit he had for so long now… He needed to stay thin to be beautiful, because he remembered how Kyla is still treated for being a bit over the idol’s ideal weight, how much Seungkwan and Hoshi were asked to go in diet by their fans at the beginning. Even if objectively Jeonghan knew he still had a good few kilos left before he should start worrying about dieting again, the fear was ever present. And he had indulged in a good meal at yesterday’s lunch, and he skipped dinner because he felt guilty about it, and he skipped this morning as well and-

 

Huh. That was maybe why he started to feel a bit dizzy. The heat may not be the only thing crippling him today.

 

He was an idiot wasn’t he? Joshua and Seungcheol were going to kill him. They were the ones in charge of making sure he ate at least a healthy meal per day and don’t starved himself. Because they knew. Joshua held him while he cried the first time they put him on a too strict diet. How hungry he felt all the time, how much he fainted a day once the first week passed. Too little too eat and too much exercises. The stomach cramps in the night, when there was food he couldn’t touch in the fridge because he wasn’t thin enough for their standards. How he cracked all the time, ate snacks and felt so guilty afterward and needed to go again on a diet because he didn’t lose enough the first and the second time.

It wasn’t well know and his company came a long way up -nowadays encouraging much more healthier diets and not caring about a few kilos more than the idol’s weight- but Jeonghan developed an eating disorder while dieting, like a lot of other idols. He couldn’t eat a full meal without feeling guilty as hell, without worrying about the possible kilos he could put on. It was especially bad right before a comeback, skipping meals a day every two days when he was at his lowest, and fans were starting to notice he was getting thinner on every era. His manager warned him that even if he was at a stade yet where fans were getting worried but not disgusted by his thin frame, if he lose too much weight he might get backlashes like Red Velvet’s Wendy. And that hasn’t been pretty, the former “overweight” idol getting so skinny she was too bony. She had been called many degrading names until her next comeback where she was again at a more healthy weight. 

 

That scared Jeonghan’s a lot, but his meals have been a source of anxiety and guilt and worry for so long that he couldn’t help himself. He starved himself without noticing, getting sharp reminders from worried members and staffs. Seungkwan even joked a lot with him about his own curvier figure to try and make him less worried about eating, but Seungkwan was cute and funny and talented in singing. He was an essential member to Seventeen, even if his popularity wasn’t in the upper-half classement. Something Jeonghan definitely wasn’t.

 

And he regularly looked through sondages and estimations. His own classement was rarely in the upper middle of the group, and few fans considered him into their top 3. Worse, he was degrading in their general reviews, coming more and more toward a 7th/8th/9th place than before. And it wasn’t healthy to look at those, it didn’t even really mean something but Jeonghan never said he was a healthy individual and it hurted a lot. 

 

A clasp in the back from Mingyu brought him back on the event. They were getting in position to begin another one of their songs, the demanding choreography of their japanese “Call Call Call”. Wiping again his face discreetly, Jeonghan waited for the music cue like the others. Their precious carats were cheering loudly as they swiped through the fast motions to the beat of the song. The world seemed to mute itself as he focused on the song and his members. The sun was getting in his eyes, making him blink furiously when he got blinded for the third time. Those little spots were getting pretty annoying, especially since they seemed bigger and bigger. 

 

A pose in the choreography and he was already panting harshly. Stupid sun. Stupid overly warm day. And stupid jacket.

 

Jeonghan hopped nobody saw him sway a little on his feet. It was nearly over anyway, two-third of the song gone already. 

 

Dino catched him when he was going down a bit too fast, but his face was too blurred for Jeonghan too decipher his expression or what he seemed to be mouthing. Throwing a quick strangled thanks the older got back on his feet. 

 

And finally the last “dring dring” were heard. It was over. And he didn’t immediately faint on the spot. Good. Now, if he could get his vision back? Everything was dark and muted.. He blindly grasped Minghao’s sleeve -who was in front of him- to nudged him so he would stand fully before him and hide his shaking frame.

 

 

And then Jeonghan passed out.

**Author's Note:**

> Fact : This happened to me. Obviously not in a place like Jeonghan, but I skipped too many meals without really noticing and it was one of the hottest day of summer. I passed out in the streets from sunstroke and woke up in a climated shop. That had been one hell of a weird experience, to be honest. It's my inspiration for this ~
> 
> If you are like me and many others subject to eating disorder, please talk about it to someone and professionals as well. This isn't healthy and can be quite damaging to your body in the long run. I know it's hard, but I love you and only wished you the best! If you're trying to overcome your disorder, no matter if it's not an eating disorder, then I'm very proud of you and hope you will manage it! 
> 
> Love you all <3


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